I’m on a road: a road to developing a set of healthy habits. And as you read in week 2, this is an uphill battle to which I commit myself. 

Routine behaviors - healthy habits - are a great way to establish a set of regular practices that carry benefits to your mental and physical health. The goal is to make these a natural part of your schedule - as natural as brushing your teeth in the morning. At that point, these natural activities - your healthy habits - can provide a regular stream of feel-good hormones (endorphins, dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin) that keep your mood up, and your mind engaged on positive emotions. Sounds pretty useful. (more…)

I’m on a road: a road to developing a set of healthy habits. And as you read in week 1, this is an uphill battle to which I commit myself. 

Routine behaviors - healthy habits - are a great way to establish a set of regular practices that carry benefits to your mental and physical health. The goal is to make these a natural part of your schedule - as natural as brushing your teeth in the morning. At that point, these natural activities - your healthy habits - can provide a regular stream of feel-good hormones (endorphins, dopamine, serotonin, and oxytocin) that keep your mood up, and your mind engaged on positive emotions. Sounds pretty useful. (more…)

As many of you read, I wasn’t doing too well a few weeks ago. A visit from my family soothed the burning wounds for a short period of time, but still they were raw. This slight reprieve encouraged me to head back to Pittsburgh with my mom and spend a few days at home with her, my dad, and my sister. Something which I hoped to be liberating.

The only thing that troubled my mind was that my dad and I bought the wrong sized dowels at Home Depot and we had to make a return trip. Other than that, the change in scenery was exactly what I needed.

A much needed getaway

After a pleasant and refreshing weekend, I flew home. It was a cool fall day, and while waiting at the airport, I had a chance to sit and reflect. I reflected upon how lucky I was (and am) to have such a loving and supportive family, spouse, and friends. I reflected upon the fact that this illness is more serious than I want to admit. I reflected upon the truth that this illness is bigger than me - and that I cannot beat it alone.

“Look me in the eye”, he screams. “Look at me!”. I shudder, gazing at my untied shoelaces. I can’t look up. I can’t look you in the eye. But why? What’s stopping me? Guilt? Shame? Embarrassment? Vulnerability? The man staring back continues to berate me, taunt me, challenge me in ways that make me want to shatter the mirror in front of me. It isn’t just others I fear, it’s myself. 

What am I afraid of?

Depression won’t reveal the answer, as much as I wish it would. Anxiety refuses to reason with my rational mind. Those of you shaking your heads know those days when you can’t get out of bed, when putting your feet on the floor seems akin to walking across hot coals. These are the days when I can’t seem to muster enough courage to look myself in the eye. But even if I can, I don’t really feel like I’m looking at myself. It’s as if I’m looking at a stranger, a stranger with lifelessness in his eyes. This is not a stranger I particularly want to be friends with, but we’re connected at the hip. This is my darker half, but that does not mean it has to stay that way. No sir. (more…)