“It was good talking to you. I look forward to the meeting” his text said after my phone call with a potential support group participant. “This is really happening,” I said to myself. I was so grateful to [Nick] who had referred him. We just had our first evening support group the Thursday prior. After wrestling with my own mental illness, I am finally at a place in my life where I am able to constructively help other people. These days I often say to myself, “It’s a beginning.”

A lot of people with mental illness are looking for a safe place and having trouble finding it. This is a series about building a safe place from the ground up.

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My sister’s wedding was soon approaching, and I was the maid of honor. I helped her plan and celebrate with a bachelorette party that I did not attend because I was in the hospital for a psychotic break. I hosted her bridal shower, but it was a struggle with my continued mental health treatment, and so our mother helped me out. As the month of the wedding came, I noticed my depression associated with my schizoaffective disorder had been progressively worsening. The happiest time of my family’s life became overshadowed by a suicide attempt. And the most unhappy moment for me was waking up in the ICU at the hospital, realizing I was missing my sister’s wedding. Suicidal thoughts are frightening, and my depression mixed with abuse of alcohol led me to act on them. I am choosing to take this failed suicide attempt as a blessing for my life to be fully lived. Not just for my family and loved ones, but for me.

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No one had ever told me that recovery would be easy. I was told that therapy would cause me to feel worse for a while because I was confronting things that I had been avoiding. I would be tired. I would feel intense emotions that I had been suppressing. But in time, I would learn to acknowledge these feelings without them knocking me out. They would no longer be a threat. Sure, they were unpleasant, but they weren’t permanent. Realizing that nothing is truly permanent is the tool that has helped me to recover and improve my mental health more than anything else.

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Michael Buble’ s Feeling Good.

Ralph Waldo Emerson famously said:

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