Sometimes, surrendering leads to victory. I always believed that telling someone “no,” prioritizing self care, and feeling anxious were signs of weakness. These things made me selfish, so I fought them constantly. When I felt tired or overburdened, I told myself: “Get it together. You’re tougher than this.” I refused to surrender, even to myself.
I am tough, but not in the way I always thought I was. To confront fear is real strength. I was afraid of my anxiety. I was afraid to take care of myself. What this wrought on me was physical illness. By fighting my fears, I lost. Everything I dreaded had occurred: friends, family, and colleagues saw me at my most vulnerable. (more…)